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This weekend was WAY better than I could have imagined! The reflections from Mark led me back into the heart of God. I got excited about youth ministry again, and even kicked off tonight (senior high) in a new way! I'm so excited about what God is doing! Goes to show, when you trust God with your students, and let HIM move rather than yourself...a lot can happen! I'm so interested to hear about what the students thought of tonight. We spent time in prayer and silence, which I'm ashamed to say...I never do. When I worked at Northern Hills, we had this contemplative time on a weekly basis. I have never done it with this group. It was amazing!

After we prayed and reflected, the youth really opened up. It was a beautiful moment. I pray that they go home feeling refreshed and take time to silence themselves before God this week.

As far as the weekend goes, I have to say, it was so much fun being able to sit back and play games with other adults for hours on end. There were a lot of conversations going on at once, which was my only frustration. For an ENFP it's hard when you can't listen to each conversation. A little overwhelming. So, I didn't come home "relaxed" but I did come home with a smile on my face, and a lot of pain lifted off my shoulders.

I know I say it all the time, but I have to say it again...I am so thankful for the friends that God has put in my life, and continues to put in my life! I love to laugh, talk, and play games...and it's these moments that I cherish! My favorite moments of the weekend were about 3:10AM Saturday morning playing Wizard, and playing Bananagrams with a small group at a local coffee shop Saturday morning. I wish I could capture those moments and play them on repeat!

Retreat

I'm in a good place right now. I'm still hurting, but am healing. It's good moments of healing. You know, when you're on the edge of breaking down to cry? Okay, maybe you don't know, but to me, it feels healthy.

I'm going on a retreat this weekend. Everyone is excited about the speaker, but truthfully, I could care less. I guess I don't really know who he is. I have some of his books, but haven't read them. I've heard him speak at a few conventions, but have zoned out. However, his father was a great inspiration of mine. HIS books I read over and over.

So where as everyone is freaking out about hearing this speaker, I'm really just looking forward to getting away for a few days, journaling, and walking along the beach. I hear the speaker is all about rest, and we'll see. But for me, I'm hoping and praying for a relaxing weekend, filled with great conversations, some time to journal, and maybe a few tears.

Let the healing begin...

Training

I hate running!

But I am very excited to be training right now for a 5k for arthritis! I hate the training, but I feel so good afterwards, and am really excited to reach this goal whether or not it kills me!

Truthfully, this is my one last chance at making my grandma proud of me! I know this sounds weird, especially since she passed away this summer, but my last "REAL" conversation with her was to tell me how disappointed in me she was.

I got to see her this summer, and hoped that she saw a difference, but she wasn't in her right mind, so I will never know.

However, if I can do this one thing, and run this 5k...I know this is something that she would have been proud of.

It goes so much deeper than this, I'm not sure how much I've shared, but this summer has been the reminder of disappointments. After a year of working hard to make changes, it's come down to this. But...I'm empowering myself, and I'm going to gain all momentum back. Make a change in my life, and a change in my attitude!

And this one event will be a major milestone for this!

Dear Friends,

I have numerous friends and family members who have Rheumetoid Arthritis. I have been especially effected by this illness this year, as I watched my grandmother suffer from the effects of RA and watch my dad get back to life away from flare ups. I can't believe the difference this disease can make in a person! While I was in Texas, I decided that it was time that I do something about it! I've been working hard this year to get in shape, and decided that the ultimate goal for myself, and to honor my Grandma, Dad, and other numerous friends and family members, is to run for them!

I'm sending you this email today, because I want to ask for your support in a new endeavor!

This holiday season I will tie bells to my shoelaces and dust off my reindeer antlers as I participate in the Jingle Bell Run/Walk® for Arthritis, a 5K fun run/walk to benefit the Arthritis Foundation. And YOU can help, too!
Won’t you sponsor me in my effort to raise funds to fight one of the nation’s most common causes of disability – ARTHRITIS? Arthritis affects more than 46 million Americans, including 300,000 children, costing the U.S economy over $128 billion annually. The Arthritis Foundation needs our help.

I'm asking mostly for support with prayer and encouragement, since I hate running! Also, if you are in the area, or want to visit the beautiful northwest, I would love for you to join our team! I made a promise that I would run for this event, and I'm going to do it! I know this will be a challenge for me, but it is something I believe in! (and if you decide to travel to run with me, I have a guest room for you to stay in!)

My personal goal is to get together a team of at least 10 people to participate in this run/walk. I am also hoping to raise $500 for this cause.

Thank you again for all of your prayers and continued support during these last few months, and for the next few months as well!

Carly

Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support Arthritis Foundation, Pacific Northwest Chapter

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Carly Powne

Love and Relationships

Relationships have been on my mind a lot lately. Whether it be romantic relationships, or friendship relationships, I've been thinking a lot about the relationships I've been in over the years. I've realized, that I think I've been in love twice. I say "think" because I've never been "in" love, meaning, I've never had either person love me back. I still consider it love, because I would have done anything for them. One person, I did the wrong thing (like moving for them) the other person, I prayed over, and followed God's leading me to not move for them. How different life would have been if I would have listened to God the first time.

But even with all that, I do wonder what it will be like to have someone love me. Will I be able to handle it? or will I run?

I don't know what's gotten me thinking about this so much recently, or why I've suddenly decided to write it here. But for some reason, I'm in this reflection mode of life, and this is one of the biggest things I reflect on. What might have been.

But I really need to focus on what WILL be. There is a future ahead. God is calling me and molding me for something. I just don't know what that is.

I thought at this point in my life I would be settled down with a family. Sadly, I don't even feel settled down yet. I'm sitting in the house I own, on the couch I own, with my dog...and yet somehow still feel like a college student sitting in the dorm. It's weird.

But all in all, even though life hasn't turned out like I expected, I'm happy. I'm ready for that next stage in life, but who even knows what that is?

At one point, I told myself that if I wasn't married by 35, I would follow my passions for missions and move over seas. Suddenly, that's not my passion anymore. It's like everything I knew changed. And I just don't know what to do with it yet.

So does this mean that I keep doing what I'm doing for another 10 years? I don't know if I can handle that.

I hope for change. But "what" change...I don't know what that is anymore.

AMAZING!

What an amazing day! Filled with reminders of why I do what I do, and glimpses of hope for what God has in store! Got to talk with some of my past students, present students, and future students, and just feel really hopeful and excited today! God is great, and I continue to hand this ministry over to Him! Who knows what is in store, today He shook it up a little bit, but I know He's going somewhere with it! I'm getting excited!

Roller Coaster

I was going to write a blog on the funny parts of my day. How amazed I am that students can not sit still in a movie, when it seems like something they can regularly do. And talk about how great I'm doing. But then, reality hit again.

My life is a roller coaster right now. An actual roller coaster! One minute I'm fine, the next I'm about to break down. I know that this is completely normal, but it's really hard to live life this way.

A parent just wrote me and mentioned that her kid is so curious about how I can be doing so well after losing my grandparents. That's because when I saw the kid, I was doing great! But by the time I got home, I was a mess.

I know I just got back to work, but I am so ready for this weekend. I'm ready to get away. I think I'm starting to debrief and to hit reality.

And as the truth comes out, it turns out I'm not doing as well as I thought I was.

I'm hurting.

From laughter to tears in 10 minutes. Wow. The record of life.

Also keeping another friend and fellow blogger in my prayers as I write this, knowing that she has a big anniversary coming up tomorrow. Thinking of you, and remembering what a special man your dad was!