New Year, New You?

This is the time of year for New Year Resolutions.
I typically do not make resolutions.  Okay, actually, I almost NEVER make resolutions!
But this year is different!
It's time to grow up and become an adult, so I am making 3 resolutions.

1.  Get out of debt...or at least make great headway.  My goal is to pay off my credit card, and today I took the first steps of making that happen.

My other 2 goals are a little more iffy, because my number one goal is my biggest goal of the year.  The other 2 take money, which kind of defeats #1.

2.  Health.  It's time to get healthy again.

3.  Tough Mudder.  My cousins invited me to run the tough mudder with them this year, and I figure that if I make this a goal, then #2 will fall into place.  I now just have to find the money to register, and still have enough to pay off my bills!

I always said that 30 was my year, and it was.  But I believe 34 is my next best year!  I'm feeling good about what's in store!

What are your goals?

Dixie Chicks - Landslide

I have never really cared for this song, until today.  Today I was reading Mindy Kaling's book "Is everybody hanging out without me?" and she mentioned a lyric from this song.  Now, I can't get the song, or the words, out of my head.  So beautiful!
It amazes me how a song, that I can remember the day of the first time I heard it, and have changed the channels on so many times, can suddenly become like a new song, just because you hear it in a new light, or like me...finally listen to the words.
The funny thing is, the reason why I didn't like the song is because someone had told me that it was a song for the writer's dad.  I still don't get that reference.  This song does not make me think of my father at all, except for that he was there when I was told that.  But I can relate to the lyrics, and know that I have held myself back in some areas because I want things to always be the same.  But in reality, I look back on my life and can't help but think "Boy am I glad I've changed!"
And I believe I will continue to think like that.
I am not who I was, and I'm still not who I'm going to be.  But I will always be true to me in the moment.

Ashamed.

Tomorrow is youth Sunday.  It's the day that the youth group leads the church in worship.  Each year comes with its own stresses and surprises.  And each year, as much as I claim that it is about the youth leading the church in worship, I am amazed at how God speaks to me for the week leading up to it.
This year is no different.
Our theme this year is faith.  The youth wanted to focus on having the faith of a mustard seed, and how it can move mountains.  We have a boy who has written an INCREDIBLE sermonette, and I can't wait for him to give it.  He's in 6th grade, but he could not have wrapped the message up any better if he was a doctorate.  But that's beside the point.
One of the skits that the girls are doing is about praying with faith.
It's that old story of people praying for rain, yet only one person brought an umbrella.
As much as I think that I have faith, tonight I realized that I never bring my umbrella.
One of my old students was in a car accident today.  I got the news late this evening that he had been life flighted.  I freaked out.  I prayed.  I was on the verge of a meltdown.  I asked others to pray.  As I drove to pick up a friend from the airport, I convinced myself that this student had died.  I cried.  I hurt. And then I had my wake up call.
If I was praying for this boy, and believing that God would heal him, how come he went so quickly to death?  I did not even give this boy the chance to live in my mind.  He did not break any bones.  He was not in a coma.  No, in my mind, he died.
Praying with faith means to bring the umbrella, right?  So praying for Mason, I should have believed that God would work a miracle, right?
So, I had my "come to" moment, and I began to pray with faith.  By the time I made it to the airport and was able to get an update, I found out that Mason is fine.  No broken bones, just a few scratches.  He's okay!  He's not dead!
So, why did I jump to loss, rather than life?
Where was my faith?  Where is my faith?
I have a lot to learn!
Each day I am reminded that God is good!  And as I stress about tomorrow, I need to remember that God is good!  He has it all in His control!  The message will come across, God will speak.  Faith will move mountains, and lives will be touched.  God is in control!
Yes, God is in control, and God is good!
Now, hopefully as I pray and put this all in God's hands, I will be able to sleep tonight.
God is good, and will not let us disappoint Him...we CANNOT disappoint Him!
Have faith.

I'm watching the images at the Boston Marathon, and I feel so helpless!  I just keep praying for the people there.  I can't help but think about the runners, how tired they are, how close to the finish, what their bodies have already gone through to get there, then to be greeted by either the explosion, or the horrific news of the explosion.  The runners that are still on the course, what about them?  Where do they go?  The physical and emotional toll that is being placed on each person there.  And then I think about the spectators.  The friends and families there to support their loved one.  Innocent.
They are all innocent.
It's heartbreaking.
I know that I am fortunate enough to live in a country where these things are rare, but it doesn't make it any less horrific or scary.
I don't know if its because I'm now in the running community that this is effecting me this way, or if it's just because I can't turn off the news, but I am just sad.  Horrified.  And continuously praying.
What should be such an exciting day for these people, has become a nightmare!  They are fulfilling their dreams, they trained for this, they made it!  And it ends in horror.
Not to mention all of the people who were working at the race, or just in the area because that's where they live/work.
My prayers are with them all.

Aha! Moments

I feel like this weekend has been a very revealing weekend!  It has been filled with "aha!" moments, and moments of reflection!  Who I think I am, is not who I am.  What I think I want, is not necessarily what I want.  I'm still trying to sort through everything, but all I can think about is that song by Sarah Evans "I keep looking."  Which, I think in reality, has always been one of my life songs.
I wish I could figure it out!
On another note, I had a great time being with the boys this weekend!  There is something therapeutic about spending time with two precious little ones.  However, also very eye opening, and revealing to who I am!  So, I'm working on that too!
I think when it comes down to it, I'm just too bossy, and I'm just too mean!
But the great thing is that with "aha" moments like this, it gives me a chance to change and grow!  I am not who I was yesterday, and I am not who I will be tomorrow!
Who knows what the future holds!
Also, I'm very tired, and took some benadryl.  So this post might not make much sense to anyone, but I just had to get it out...and I'm too lazy to go get my journal!

Get back on it!

It's time to get back to training!  Tomorrow is a new day, and I am going to stick with it!
If I can have a good run tomorrow, then I can get back into training, and be ready for the Alamo 13.1, which is only a few weeks away!  Okay, a month and a half, but still!  There is a lot to do before then!  And I can't keep putting it off!  This weekend is supposed to be good weather, so I am going to make the most of it.  Now if only I could put away the popcorn and focus on eating healthy instead.  But really, I had the most delicious milkshake tonight!  I finally tried Burgerville's chocolate hazelnut milkshake, and my life has been changed!
Tomorrow is a new day!  The jeans are getting too tight, and I am too poor to buy a new pair, so I will run instead!  Plus, I'm working on my "Texas playlist" to get in the spirit!
It's been a great week, and tomorrow will be another good day!

Life is good!

For how difficult life has been in my professional life, things in my personal life are going great today!  I'm on top of the world!!!
1.  I was asked to be in my best friends wedding today!
2.  I just won an entry into the race I have been training for!  Talk about encouragement!  Now I HAVE to run the whole thing...even if it's 90 degrees out!
3.  One of my best friends has accepted our request to speak for our youth camping trip (This is kind of a professional and personal joy)
4.  I just bought my plane ticket to SA for the race, and found a flight that lets me stay one more day in SA, but get home before an event on my return day in PDX!
5.  It's just been a really good day (again, professionally and personally)
I'm on top of the world, and it feels good!  If nothing else, this joy will last through a great run tomorrow, since now I am in super training mode!
I can't believe I won!!!
The contest was to tell them in 200 characters or less why I should get a free race entry.  It was hard!  I could definitely win with 200 words, but not in characters, but I did!  I got it (along with 12 other people, but I am one of them!)
So, I'm doing this for you, Grandma!  And in your true honor, I'm even saving money!  Because why would I waste money to fly down for a race?  That makes no sense!