It all comes back to this...

It all comes back to this...

I'm really just looking for some guy to come sing a little Enrique Iglesias to me!

Today's word: LAUGHTER!

Today, I spent the day with my good friends, who are more like family! I spent 6 hours of just laughing and playing games! What a great break after such a tough week!

I am so thankful for the many friends that I have in my life, and for my great family!

I am blessed!

Healing

You never know what each day will bring. Today I learned that the "other guy" (you know, the guy who Grandpa hit in the accident) is the pastor at a large church here in San Antonio. It adds an interesting perspective to the accident, but I'm still not sure what yet.

Today's words: Hurt and Healing

Today was my grandpa's funeral. It brought up so much hurt and anger. I loved my grandpa. I love my grandma. But my last big conversation with my grandparents was with my grandma, almost 2 years ago now, when she sat me down on the morning of my birthday to tell me how disappointed in me she and my grandpa were.

Those words haunt me every single day. At the time, all I could say was "I wish you could see me in my element, because you would see how happy I truly am." They never took that opportunity. I made mistakes when I lived here, I didn't visit them as much as I should have. I regret that, and wish I could make the change, but I can't. I have, however, turned that around and now put family first. Before work, before ministry, before anything...my family comes first. Unfortunately, it happened after I moved, yet it still happened. I can't change the past, but I can change the future.

Today, people tried to tell me how proud my grandparents were of me. The problem is, that when they tell you point blank that you're a disappointment, it does a number on you. I don't believe that they were proud of me. I wish they were. I try to live in a way that God is proud of me, and hope that others follow and are blessed by me as well. But I can only do the best I can.

The highlight of my day? The breakdown point. The point of no return when I cried to my sister, my aunt, my cousin, and my mom. They listened. They encouraged. The cousin told me that she heard my grandparents say they were proud. Unfortunately, we will never know, I will never know. I know that if my grandparents knew I felt this way, it would be killing them. They didn't mean to make me feel this way.

That said, they were wonderful grandparents. They taught me a lot, and helped me to experience a lot. and I love them. I will miss them.

Let the healing begin.

Anger

Turns out that the emotion that I'm dealing with most this week is not sadness like I would have expected it to be. It's Anger. I just don't know what to do with this. I'm not mad at God. In fact, I'm glad my Grandma and Grandpa are now back together. But somehow, I'm just angry. Angry at the world. At everything. I'm not very much fun to be around right now. Only I can make the change, and I just don't want to. I'm wallowing in anger and self pity. How wrong is that?

I need to get over it. Shake it off, Carly, Shake it off!

Here we go again.

Well, here we go again.

It seems like I just got back from San Antonio for my Grandma's funeral. Last night, after one of the best backpacking trips I've ever been on, we got a call that my Grandpa was in a car accident and passed away. Please pray for our family during this time. My mom just started dealing with the loss of her mother, and is now dealing with the loss of her father. Please keep her, our family, and the other guy from the accident in your prayers. Thank you.

Backpacking

Tomorrow we leave for our graduates backpacking trip. I am so very excited! I haven't been backpacking since 2005, and it was in Colorado. I've never been close to home, so it will be amazing to see our local beauty!

Please keep our group in your prayers!