Stillness

I got the call this evening, my grandma passed away while I was at youth group. Such a weird mix of emotions. Sadness for the loss of a life loved. Sadness for my grandpa, and him losing the one who he loved most in life. And sadness for my mom losing her mom. I can't even imagine!

But relief, because I'm no longer waiting for the call. I got the call, and can now move into grieving mode. I'm trying to find a flight, and figure out how to get there and back, dancing around my summer schedule which picks up this week. Luckily, knowing this could happen at any moment, most everything is covered, or I am able to pass it off.

I'm kind of just sitting here in shock at the moment. Not sure what to think or do.

And, hoping to find a cheap flight.

On the bright side, I was surrounded by people I love when I got the news.

My uncle passed away when I was in high school, also on a Wednesday. I also went to youth group.

I guess it's a good place to grieve...even when you're the one in charge!

Sweet Days of Summer

This has been a wonderful, yet weird summer for me!

Wonderful, because i've been home to enjoy the summer goodness, but weird because I'm home so that I can await a call that will send me away. I'm in a mix of confusion. Waiting each day to hear how my grandma is doing, knowing that any minute can be her last. In the meantime, making the most of every opportunity of my time at home. Usually I am gone for most of the summer, but things keep getting cancelled, and I can't plan much because anything could be cancelled. It's such a weird place to be in.

But, as each day goes on, I'm enjoying the sunshine, the reminder of summer as a kid, and the opportunities to go out and be. Making the most of every opportunity!

Sharing

Is it worse to share too much or too little? It seems that both get me in trouble. Where's the happy medium? I'd like to hear what you think.

Adventure

I'm feeling the need for some sort of adventure this summer!

Since now I will be home for about a month, I'm thinking that I should go do something out of my routine. Not sure what yet, but I just have the strong urgency of an adventure.

It's time to brainstorm what to do...

Hurt

It took me a while, but I'm ready to admit. I'm hurting.

This week, I had a roommate move out, one of my youth get engaged, and I'm preparing to say goodbye to my grandparents. I hurt.

I know that God is good, and that things can change. I put my hope and my trust in Him.

But for today, I hurt.

I was hoping for redemption. For a beautiful story. It can still happen, it's just hard, when the person with whom you need to rectify with keeps cancelling on you and avoiding you.

I guess, if I'm honest with myself, I'm disappointed. I'm hurt. I'm struggling.

It's in these moments that I put down the computer and pray harder.

Old

Today I am feeling so old! My old freshmen from San Antonio are graduating college today! That means that all of my original purple peeps are college grads! Can you believe it? and the rest are in college.

Of my old students:

numerous have gotten married and started families, the oldest having a 7 year old now.

a few have joined the military and gone to war for us.

Many have graduated college

One is now an ordained pastor

Many are teachers

I believe that one is a vet

as of today, 3 are pregnant (that I know of)

It seems like half are married

Some are living overseas

and I am so proud of them all!

It's crazy being a part of their lives, it really seems like for such a short time! I can't believe how quickly time goes, and how far they've come!

But man, today I feel old!

Reflection

Today is one of those days, where I look back, and think about how much I love what I do! This has been one of those days where I am reminded of why I am in youth ministry. I love seeing people change, being a part of lives, and bringing God into what could otherwise be a hopeless situation. I love praying for my kids, and seeing how God answers prayers. Even as I type this, there's another text message, and the reminder of how God is at work.

Sometimes I wonder, is it worth is? Today is one of those days that I use to be reminded...YES!!! It is worth it! God is in control!

I'm very blessed, honored, and lucky to be doing what I'm doing. I'm so grateful that God uses me in this way. And I pray that God continues to use me, and to guide me, and to work in the lives of these youth! God is bigger...God is able...God is good!