It's been a long time since I last blogged, but a lot has happened since then.
I just spent the last 3 hours talking with some friends about life, about things going on in the world around us, and about the weekend. And yet, I still feel like I have so much more to get out, so I figure it's a good time to blog!
It's been an odd last few months.
In the last 2 months, I have...
run a half marathon
had two visits with my best friend (who I normally see twice a year)
gone to my 10 year college reunion
rejoiced with a friend who got great news
prayed for a friend who got difficult news
lost a friend and member of our community in a car accident
been a dean at a senior high retreat
been to a middle school retreat
contemplated leaving youth ministry
realized why I am in youth ministry
struggled with youth ministry
and dealt with an unbelievable amount of drama from people around me, and at church.
Needless to say, it has had it's highs and lows. Super highs and super lows.
So, now, as I am returning from a retreat, I had already announced that this was going to be my last year as dean. I felt like the weekend went well, there were a few snags along the way, but nothing giant. It was a good year to end on.
However, coming home, the reality of the weekend has set in. The many negatives of being in charge. Not only in being the "bad guy" to a bunch of people you don't know, but then also hearing more negative than positive. Usually it is a good mix, so I can take it in stride. And part of me takes this info as "oh well, it's not my problem." But unfortunately, an even bigger part of the complaints, I can actually agree with.
But I'm still in that weird place of when to use my voice and when not to.
Change is good, but sometimes too much isn't always better.
My problem, is I can see everything from both sides, so I can't really fall on where or what I believe.
I guess that's what's so good about feedback, it brings up a lot of ways to think.
But then, I think about what made the weekend for me. And it had NOTHING to do with the camp! The camp was merely a facility and reason for us to be together. But the way I interacted with my group this weekend, and the way they interacted with eachother was the best gift I could have been given for this month. I was very stressed about my group before going, and this weekend couldn't have been any better for us. So when it all comes down to it, that's my answer! That's why I loved this weekend, it was because of the students that I got to spend it with. And they are my reminder of why I do what I do.
It's the heart to hearts that come late at night, and are rare. I feel like great talks come all the time, but these genuine heart to hearts only come once every few years, but the impact lasts a long time.
And the situation that I was worried about, worked itself out. Didn't bring me down, and made our dynamics so much greater.
So, in the end, as a result of the last few months, I have decided to let some things in my life go. Being the dean for CPYA is one of them. It's nice to know that next year I can just bring my students and share in that time with them. It's refreshing!
So, I'm not going to let the rest get to me. It's all behind me, and this is a brand new year...
Starting now!
